


Accidental Shagging (or Variations Thereof)

by Creirdyddlydd



Series: Aftermath [3]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-30 17:03:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Creirdyddlydd/pseuds/Creirdyddlydd
Summary: The Doctor mentioned to Rose that he had danced - although quite by accident - and then said it was a story for another day. Rose has decided that day has arrived.





	Accidental Shagging (or Variations Thereof)

**Author's Note:**

> The Doctor mentioned in “Clarification” that he had “accidentally danced”. That was a story that just begged to be written, so here we go.

The Doctor frowned as Rose eyed him over breakfast one morning. She had that look about her, that ‘Rose Tyler is Plotting’ look, and that was never a good sign. “All right, Time Lord. Time to tell me about your ‘accidental shagging’.” The air quotes and the eyebrow bounce she gave him would have made him chuckle, if her words hadn’t made him choke on the sip of tea he had just taken. 

“Pardon?” he wheezed out after managing to get the tea down. He knew what she meant, really it would be hard to forget. But since she hadn’t mentioned it in the week since France, he was hoping _she_ had forgotten. Luck was not on his side in this.

Rose hid her amused smile in the hand she used to prop her chin up. “Oh, come on. You brought up “dancing” and said – and I quote – that you had, ‘but not in the way you’re thinking and quite by accident’. You can’t drop a bombshell like that and leave a girl waiting too long. Who knows what her devious mind could imagine?”

The Doctor gave one final cough and glanced nervously at the door, hoping Mickey was still sleeping. Finally, he shook his head and offered a hand to Rose. “Let’s talk about it somewhere else. I’d really rather not have Mickey hear this.”

Rose silently agreed and took the Doctor’s hand. He led her through so many twists and turns that she was certain she’d never find her way back on her own. The TARDIS chimed gently in her head and Rose smiled, assuring the TARDIS that she knew she would help if need be. “Where are we going?”

“After my mistakes in France, there are a lot of things I want to share with you. The room we’re heading to is one of them. The TARDIS and I are both protective of it and she won’t allow anyone to find it unless they’ve been given permission.”

Rose felt a little swoop of affection and awe in her stomach. “You sure you want to share it with me?”

“Rose, I want to share everything with you. Please don’t doubt that.”

The warm affection in his gaze bolstered Rose and she nodded with a grin. “Okay.”

A few more turns and finally a large double door stood at one end of a corridor. The doors were crimson with the Doctor’s beautiful language decorating it in gold designs. He took a deep breath and tightened his hold on Rose’s hand. “I started to create this room way back in my third life. I was exiled on Earth, unable to dematerialize due to the Time Lords disabling the dematerialization programming on the TARDIS. After a while, I got homesick and used the seeds I had in one of the storage rooms to plant some Gallifreyan plants. The TARDIS took over and recreated my favorite view on my home planet.”

Rose returned the Doctor’s tight grip on her hand as anticipation, excitement, gratitude and sorrow swirled in her stomach.

The Doctor pushed the door open and ushered Rose inside. “Rose Tyler, welcome to Gallifrey.”

Rose gasped and slowly spun in a circle, taking it all in. The artificial double suns shining overhead, the crimson grass swaying around her ankles, the silver-leafed trees chiming merrily as the breeze swept along the plateau they were standing on. Enormous mountains surrounded them on three sides, maroon in color just like the grass at their feet. Off in the distance below, beautiful white and gold spires stood enclosed in a glass dome. She couldn’t tell if it was a small city or a large building, but it was gorgeous all the same. 

“Doctor, this is incredible.” She turned to face him and watched him blink against a few tears as he blew out a breath. 

“Yeah, it was. Before the Time Lords went to war and became absolutely rotten instead of just arrogant.” He moved to stand next to her and look down at the enclosed structure. “That’s the Citadel, seat of Time Lord government. See the round wall underneath it?” He pointed and Rose noticed for the first time that there was indeed a round wall with other walls dividing it, making it look like the wheel of a bicycle.

At her nod, he continued. “Time Lord city. We all lived under the Citadel in these beautifully crafted cities that were enclosed to keep all other Gallifreyans out. They were beneath us, you see. Undesirables.” He spat the words, his view on his home world’s politics clear in his voice. “We could get out and travel to other parts of the planet, but no one was allowed in unless they were Time Lords.”

Rose was silent for a moment. “Would we be able to go into the city or is it just a projection?”

“Unfortunately, the TARDIS can’t make it quite that realistic. I’d have to build an actual replica, so the picture she projects will have to suffice. We can however, take a walk through the trees, which I always loved much more than the city, anyway.” He nodded at the trees that still tinkled softly and wiggled his fingers at Rose.

As they wandered through the trees, she turned to him. “This is beautiful and I appreciate you sharing it with me, Doctor.”

He smiled at her, but then it fell as her smile turned mischievous. “But it seems you’re avoiding my earlier question.”

They came to a bench that was situated next to a small, bubbling stream and sat, watching the water wash over the smooth stones in its path. “Not avoiding,” the Doctor denied, but he tugged on his ear and completely gave himself away.

“Then start talking,” Rose ordered as she poked him in the ribs.

“Okay. Like I told you, when I was younger, sometimes I wasn’t sure what constituted as sexual activity on a planet. The way you lot do it isn’t the only way it can be done. It can be telepathic or just a brush of arms or anything really.”

He blushed fiercely as he talked, rushing through the words to get this over and done with. True, he didn’t derive any sexual enjoyment from these activities because they weren’t pleasurable for him. Plus, there was the issue of his sexual orientation. But it was embarrassing to discuss all the same. 

“So, you didn’t realize what it was because it isn’t the way you would have done it. Not to mention you thinking you were asexual.”

He blinked a few times before he beamed at her and had to resist the urge to press a kiss to her lips. It had only been a week since France, and she still hadn’t given the okay on that. “Exactly.” He was so ecstatic to have found someone who understood him so completely.

“Okay, so how did it happen?”

The Doctor tugged his ear again as he began. “On the planet Monoaeij, they have a basically humanoid shape with an extra set of arms. One set looks like normal human arms with hands and all, the other set is without hands. In my second body, I had thwarted an assassination attempt on the emperor’s life. In gratitude, the emperor allowed me to view the floating waterfalls, which I had come to see but were considered sacred and therefore, usually forbidden to outsiders. Being surrounded by waterfalls, the ground around the area was wet and slippery. The emperor started to slip and as a reflex, I reached out and grabbed one of his arms to stop his fall. Only I grabbed the arm that didn’t have a hand.”

Rose was biting her lip on an amused smile next to him. “Let me guess. Those handless arms are their sexual organs.”

The Doctor groaned and nodded as he hid his flaming face in his hands. He finally looked up at her to finish the story. “After regaining his footing, the emperor reached over to hold my hand to his arm, slowly like he was looking for permission. I was confused and he wasn’t hurting me, so I just smiled slightly and wondered what he was doing. He held my hand still while he moved his handless arm against my palm. After a few seconds, he threw his head back and sighed, expelling a cloud of what looked like purple smoke. The guards began to cheer as the emperor slumped, breathing heavily and looking at me in a way that made me quite uncomfortable. One of the guards cheered, ‘The emperor has mated!’ which clued me in and resulted in me running for my life.”

Rose finally let out the string of giggles she had been fighting. “Go on, tell me another,” she pleaded when she could manage words again.

The Doctor sighed. “There was an orgy on Rsohaaod.” He grinned slightly at Rose’s stunned expression. “I landed, in my fifth body, during what seemed to be a festival. I was loving it there! Everyone was friendly, the planet was peaceful, the food was unbelievable. Finally, the people started to head for this clearing on the outskirts of their village and one of the women told me I should attend the bonfire. I thought, why not? These people had been extremely hospitable and I was enjoying their company, so I followed along. 

“The natives of Rsohaaod are sort of like humanoid deer. That’s important in a second. As the bonfire was lit, I noticed most of the natives feeling each other’s antlers. To be honest, I had been curious about what they would feel like. They looked to be covered in a light dusting of fur and I wondered if it was soft or prickly. Were the antlers hard like bone or a more malleable material? I took a seat on one of the logs and this large female Rsohaaodian next to me leaned over with a wink and told me she didn’t mind if I touched her antlers. I still wasn’t thinking anything of it as I stood so I could reach. I gently ran my hands along her antlers and she sighed. When I paused she told me it was fine, there were just a lot of nerve endings and the touch felt nice. I took it to mean soothing, not erotic.” 

Rose snorted as she tried to hold in her giggles. The Doctor shot her a playful glare and she bit her lip. “Sorry. Continue.”

“I continued to run my hands along her antlers. They were unlike anything I had touched before and extremely soft. After a moment, I felt pressure at my crotch and noticed she was rubbing her snout into me. I jumped away, took notice of my surroundings and noticed others doing the same thing. I finally realized the bonfire was for an orgy and quickly excused myself to run to the TARDIS.”

Rose had a hand over her mouth as she giggled quietly. “Were there other accidental times?”

The Doctor sighed, his dignity in shreds. “In my third body, after I was allowed to travel again, I went to the planet Delphon. Lovely people, but they communicate with their eyebrows. I was walking around and wiggling my eyebrows at everyone, thinking I was saying ‘hi’. One very nice older woman who had moved to Delphon years prior, pulled me aside and informed me I wasn’t saying what I thought I was saying. I had basically been wandering the planet, propositioning people all day!” 

Thoroughly on a roll and enjoying Rose’s giggles even if they were directed at his misfortune, the Doctor continued. “In my eighth body, I was visiting Neabi during a time in its history when people were going through a modesty revival. I was there to stop an invasion of these little creatures that reproduced quickly and would overrun the planet within months if I didn’t stop them. On one street, there was a young woman walking along when I could feel the ground vibrate slightly, a sign the little creatures were about to come stampeding through the area. I grabbed the young woman’s hand and told her we needed to get out of there. She gasped, but I didn’t think much of it. After all, I was a stranger who had just grabbed her hand. A gasp was completely understandable. When we finally got to her family’s home, she had me wait a moment while she spoke to her family. 

“Apparently, hand holding was considered a statement of intent there. I was almost made to have a – what is it you humans call it – a ‘shotgun wedding’. Literally, they shot at me while I ran to the TARDIS. All because I saved her life, Rose!”

Rose let out another round of giggles as she stared at the Doctor wide-eyed. He’d never shared so much of his past before and she was soaking it all in as much as possible. “Anything else?” she asked through another laugh.

“I accidentally married a virgin priestess on Coyure,” he blurted.

Rose let out a surprised gasp. “You what?!”

“Apparently, on that planet, drinking from the same cup is their marriage ceremony. I had saved the temple from completely burning down when someone from a rival religious order tried to set it on fire. As a show of thanks, they invited me to have dinner with the priestess and her followers. I was seated next to her and as we were talking, I reached for a cup, thinking it was mine. After I took a drink, she got this strange look on her face and said, ‘I am honored, valiant hero. I will seek another to take my place as virgin priestess so that we may consummate our marriage.’ I can only imagine how ridiculous my seventh self must have looked. I could feel my eyes bulging and my mouth hanging open before I pulled myself together and ran.”

“Oh, my stomach hurts!” Rose cried as she laughed. “She seriously said outright that you were going to consummate the marriage? All business like?”

The Doctor nodded solemnly, but embarrassed amusement twinkled in his eyes. “She did.”

Rose pulled herself together finally, clutching her stomach as a few last giggles escaped. “We should probably go see your wife.” She erupted into fits of laughter again and finally the Doctor joined her.

After calming down, the Doctor straightened his tie as he sniffed. “She wouldn’t recognize me now. This body is much more handsome than my seventh.”

Rose shook her head at him. “I’ve seen pictures. You were cute back then.”

“Cute?” the Doctor spluttered. “Rose Tyler!”

“What?” she shrugged. “You were.” She grinned wickedly at him. “Any other spouses or sexual partners I should know about?”

The Doctor huffed at her. “I may have some uncomfortable instances I’ve been in, but considering I’ve been around for 900 years, it’s not _that_ common.”

Her eyes glittered happily up at him and he softened. “Thank you for telling me, Doctor.”

He decided to turn the tables on her. “So, gonna tell me about your experiences, Rose Tyler?”

She choked slightly and blinked up at him owlishly. “Nope.”

“Aw, come on. I told you.”

She considered him for a minute and then sighed. “If you really want to know.”

“I do.”

“Jimmy Stones and Mickey. End of the list.”

The Doctor looked at her in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Rose fiddled with the sleeve of her jacket. “I’m not one for casual hook-ups and I’ve only had two boyfriends. Luckily, I realized Jimmy Stones was bad news fairly quickly, even though I left school for him before figuring it out. And then Mickey. He was safe and I trusted him. I did love him in a way, just not in the way I should have. We were best friends trying to be more.”

The Doctor tapped her under the chin with a gentle finger. “Thank you for telling me.”

Rose smiled shyly and shifted so her head was settled against his shoulder. What she wanted to ask, she couldn’t ask while looking at him. “When you are finally with somebody, what will you expect? How do Time Lords…do it?” She cringed at her statement, but she couldn’t bring herself to say any of the other ways to describe it. Make love was too sentimental. Fuck, shag, and bang were too crass. Sex was too clinical, as was intercourse. 

Luckily, the Doctor just chuckled slightly at her phrasing. “Same way you humans ‘do it’,” he teased gently. “Although Time Lords used to just use telepathy, so I’d probably enjoy that as well.”

Rose looked up at him. “You’ve never used telepathy like that?”

The Doctor shook his head. “Asexual, remember? I had no interest in either the telepathic or the physical acts of sex. I was certain I was completely asexual before meeting you.”

Rose smiled slightly as she shifted her head back to its place on his shoulder. Her face flamed as part of the conversation from a week ago drifted back to her and the words came pouring out before she could stop them. “You said I had some natural telepathic ability. Would we be able to…,” she trailed off as her brain finally registered what she was saying.

The Doctor shifted so he could press a kiss to her temple. “Yes,” he whispered into her ear.

Rose shuddered slightly but refused to kiss him just yet. It hadn’t been long enough for her. While she had forgiven him for his behavior in France, the bruises from it would take a little more time. 

“How is your head?” she asked, remembering Reinette’s unwanted intrusion into his mind.

“Better,” he answered as he ran a hand through his hair. “It still feels a little oily and some of my shields haven’t been completely repaired. I’ll need to sleep again tonight so they can finish healing.”

“How far did she get?” Rose asked in worry.

“Oh, not far. It was very surface level, but she didn’t know what she was doing so she wasn’t very careful and knocked down a lot of my shielding without entering my mind completely. And thank goodness for that. A violation that complete would have taken a lot of time to heal.”

Rose worked one arm behind him and threw the other around his waist so she could hug him. “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Doctor.”

“Not your fault.” He pressed a kiss to her hair and then stood. “How about we go see if Mr. Mickey is up and about? Nothing like an adventure to help forget about unpleasant experiences.”

Rose shook her head fondly as she took his hand and they began wandering back to the door. After a few minutes of comfortable silence through the trees of the Doctor’s home planet, she shot him a tongue-touched grin. “Just make sure we don’t end up visiting your wife.”

She took off running with a laugh and the Doctor followed, thanking every deity that did or did not exist for bringing together the perfect storm of experiences that allowed him to meet Rose Tyler.


End file.
